my mom

My mom and I have been through alot together in our twenty five years together. We have been at the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. We have pushed each other to the limit, and picked each other up. we have fought, and cried. We have laughed and screamed. She has saved me, and I believed that every now and then I have saved her. I love her more and more everyday, and find that I am becoming more and more like her. I don't tell her enough, but she is my rock. she always has been. I imagine she always will be. She is my mama. The best one I ever had. The reasons I love her are neverending, but here are a few things that make me love her.
When I was very small I was often very afraid of everything. She was always patient, and never kicked me out of her bed whenI would sneak into it. She is strong as nails. She often went hungry in the mornings, so that I could eat. She never intentionally talked badly about my father in front of me. She is really quirky, and makes me laugh. She tells it how it is, and doesn't back down. She always make the holidays so much fun, Even though she can get a bit carried away, especially at the holidays. Like the year we had 11 trees and a wreath as big as the house. DON'T ASK. She has a heart as big as the sky, and would give anyone the shirt off of her back. She has boiled water on the stove to give me a hot bath. She has come to my defense when I was to little or weak to defend myself, and has loved me despite of all the pain I have probably caused her. She loves the lord with such ease, and grace. She is my mama, and the most incredible woman I know,
Thank you mom,
I love you 10,000,000 times around the world and back again.
Love your girl

Our God is an Awesome God!!

Today Harper was held and fed by her incredible parents for the first time, and I am just so excited for them. It took me back to the first time I held my own babies and what a life cahnging moment it was. I am so blessed to have such healthy thriving little girls. It is such a joyous day, and I am so excited that I could just yell Our God is an awesome God. Whoever said that God doesn't perform miracles anymore needs to go to Harper's story, and see how many people this sweet baby girl has intoduced to Jesus, and what obstacles she has overccome. God is amazing. I am just so excited.

Petey!!!!!

If you know me then you know I am an animal lover. I actually used to bring in strays and try to make them my own. Now that is putting it nicely. My grandmother would rephrase and say that I used to animal nap anything that came within feet of our home, and then say that that animal wanted to be mine, as it was clawing to get out of my grasp. I like the first description more.I say this because four years ago for the first time ever and animal chose me,and he has grown to be so much more than a pet he is family. It was love at first sight. We were at Happytales on adoption day looking for a puppy. He was so nervous, but he came up to me and layed his little head in my lap, and gave me a look that melted my heart. He still does. Petey was very timid when we first brought him home, and is still to this day a little shy infront of strangers. (I think someone was to rough with before we got him), but over the years he has become one of my best friends. He has always been so gentle with the girls even as they ride him, and roll all over him. He follows them around like it was his job to keep them safe, and sleeps in their room every night. He knows when I am sad, and even as I am writing this he is laying right next to me on the couch. He has been through alot with our family, and has been the best dog ever. I am writing this because I just want the girls to be able to look back ina few years and remember this sweet addition to our family. I am also writing for another reason. We have to find Petey a new home. Our landlord doesn't allow animals. I have cried and cried I actually thought about moving, but the truth is that our little family just really needs to stay put right now. We have him on craigslist, and while I know that my life will be a little empty without him, I also know that he willl make another family very happy. I will keep an update on where Petey goes, and hopefully it is somewhere we can visit. Here is to my boy and my friend Petey. Thank you for picking us.

The cat is out of the bag

Yes it's true I am a clutz. Last weekend I broke my hand. I know what you are thinking, bless her heart what happened she must have fallen on a slick sidewalk, or been pushed by a vandal. I only wish that is how it happened. The truth is I was just walking. Yep just walking down the steps and somehow ended up missing the last six or seven steps. I also left a nice reminder of my fall, by a 12 inch whole in the wall. I would tell you that this was my least graceful moment, but I am a self proclaimed clutz. I have been all my life. I wasn't going to post anything about my hand, but after my dear sweet uncles email posted below I thought I would. Oh and by the way Uncle Doug if you find humor in this incident then You would have fallen out of your seat if you knew how my foot got broken last Summer. I was walking in Walmart minding my own business when an ever so large woman cruised over my foot with her hefty foot cracking a bone. Now imagine trying to explain that one at the E.R. Here is to being graceful. Love you all , Lexie


Uncle Dough Dough's Email: I admit it is hillarious ya'll can laugh I know I did

From: Doug Howe Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 1:59 PMTo: 'truthnfaith@hotmail.com'Subject: broken hand

You have shared so much on your blog, did you feel we would not have sympathy for your fall or did you feel it was too graceful a moment to share with your friends. No really, sorry to hear of your fall
And hope you heal correctly and soon. Keep us informed on your progress of healing. We all know it comes in the GENES!!!

Your Loving and not so funny Uncle,

Dough dough
Sorry after sending the first e-mail, I reread your last account of “Time to make a difference” to make sure I had not missed something and I understand you must read between the lines to figure out where you have FALLEN way short.
Your Loving and not so funny Uncle
Dough dough

Time to make a difference

Okay folks I am in need of some prayer. I have been feeling like my contributions to this life have fallen way short. I just really want to make a difference in this world. I want to show my girls what it means to be a christian. I have been praying about it, and shared with my mom what some of my ideas were, and together we came up with a wonderful idea that would not only help service our community,but also open doors and spread God's love. I am so excited, but would love a little prayer. In the next few weeks my mom and I will have a little more info. Thanks so much ya'll, and thanks for prying for sweet Harper. She is almost completely breathing half way on her own. Our God is awesome.

Inspiration in an unlikely place

A week ago I was on my sister-in-law Dana's blog. I was just bored and looking at some of the other blogs she follows and came accross "Bring the Rain". It litterally changed me in a matter of hours. I stayed up all night laughing and crying and falling in love with God all over again. It has been a long time since I have felt God that strongly, but for some reason through this woman and her beautiful family, I was reinspired. I have been following ever since. I was on yesterday and I saw a prayer request worth repeating. A family and their beautiful baby girl Harper are in need of our prayers. Harper was born with major health issues, and doctors are very worried about her heart. She is in critical condition right now and, while she is doing better than they first thought; she is still in need of lifting up. God is amazing, and I have complete faith in his plans. I pray that it is his will to heal Harper, and ease her family's pain. There is a link if you want to follow the story. Please pray!!

Update

Yay!!! Matt Got the job. He will start on February 12th. Thank you for all of the prayers and support. We love you all. He is so excited, but I think he is exhausted from the stress and worry that the last couple of days have brought. He is actually taking a nap right now, which is very out of the ordinary for him. I know he starts a sixteen week training period in the beginning of February. Ten of those weeks he will live in Bell buckle Monday through Saturday, and then he will work a twelve hour shift at Hendersonville on Saturdays and then be home on Sunday. I know it will be rough, but seeing Matt achieve his dream is worth it, and it is just one more reason to love Sundays. I already love the Fire Chief ,because he told Matt that God and family come first no matter what, and that matt should spend Sundays with God and family. I think I have gotten a little glimpse of God at work in all this. Thank you again for all the prayers, and we love you all soooooooo much. I am still so excited. Yay Yay

Have a warm day, Love Lex

The Interview

This is just an update on Matt's interview. He looked so handsome before he went today, and even though he was really nervous the fire in his eyes was awesome to see. He just called and said that it went well. The chief will call within forty-eight hours to tell him whether or not he will have a second interview. Matt wanted me to tell all of you who have been praying for him THANK YOU. We have had phone call after phone call with such supporting words of hope, and whether or not Matt gets the job I think it has opened his eyes to see what a strong support system he has. We are blessed beyond belief. Please keep your fingers crossed, and your toes. Stand on your head and hold your breath. I don't think that last one is any good luck I just think it would be funny to see. :) I Love you all and please continue to pray.


Oh I almost forgot the best part he let me take pictures of him in his new fancy attire. I didn't even have to threaten him. Infact he actually posed for me. Hee Hee. I will try to post those later.

Love Lex

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Matt got the official call for an interview from Hendersonville today. He will be interviewing with seven other people for three open spots as a fire fighter. His Interview is on Thursday at 1:00 PM. I am so excited for him. Please say a little prayer for him, as he is nervous. I will keep you updated on everything. Ahhhhhhhhhh I can't believe it.



Have an awesome day,
Love Lex

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been thrown up on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

I have had this on my myspace forever and I am not sure of the original author, but I loved it. My life was forever changed when God Gave me both of my beautiful babies, and I would not give up the chance to be their mother for the world. They are my sunshine.

Poppy

There is a deep pain in my soul that I was certain would have been healed by now. I knew that when God took him home that I would hurt for a long time, but I thought that over time the pain would dull and that I would be fine. The pain is not dulled, and infact it hurts more today than it did that August day over five years ago. Only now I feel guilt and anger at myself for not being strong enough for him. I abandoned the only person in my life that never let me down. When he had his stroke I was certain I could fix him. In my naiive mind it was me who always fixed him before, whether it be while playing dr and rubbing crazy concoctions of my grandmothers night cream and shampoos on his knees, or making him promise before all his surgeries that he would have to be okay, because I needed him. I was certain that this time would be no different. The first night in the hospital was like all the others. He was laying on deaths doorstep. He had been there so many other times, and so I was sure that he would be fine. I went back with my parents and they told me that this time he had a stroke. He wasn't responding to anything the nurses were doing. I knew that he would be fine. I went over took his hand and began to sing Take Me Out To the Ballgame. he began to squeezemy hand tighter and tighter. Once again I saved him our bond had pulled him through. It was over the next weeks that reality set in. He did make progress that night, but he then began to regress. They moved him from hospitall to hospital and finally his home was NHC Place. In the beginning I would go and sit with him, and I even went to therapy with him, but everytime I went my heart broke a little more, and the pain and fear were to much for me to grasp. So I stopped going as much. When I did go I would sit in a corner and cry. He would make the worst faces, and let out the most horrific noises. I was certain he was angry at me for not fixing him. Thanks to my mom and her pushy ways I did get to be with him as he started to let go of this world. I got to be with him and held his hand the day before he passed away. I know that when he passed away he knew how much I loved him, but overtime I have started to question whether or not he knew the affect and grasp he had on my heart. So the following is a thank you to my Pops my hero and the wind beneath my wings.


You took on a role in my life that you were never intended to have, thank you
You introduced me to Jesus and his love and his forgiveness, thank you
You gave my mom and I a safe place to land after the storm, thank you
You let me dress you up in nanas clothes and even allowed mama and nana to gawk and laugh at you!
You taught me the tomohawk chop, Thank you
You threw me in the swimmimg pool, becasue you knew that I was ready. Thank you
You believed in my dreams, thank you
You tried to teach me how to throw a ball, Thank you
You never gave up, thank you
You counted my fingers and toes to make sure the doc didn't mess up, thank you
You taught me how to drive a stick, thank you
You never said you were sorry, you just bought me an icee. Thank you
You told me I was beautiful when I knew I wasn't Thank you
You let me paint your finger nails and toes, thank you
You taught me how to give to others, thank you
You rescued me, thank you
You bought me a tricycle before I could walk, thank you
You kept your promise about sticking around until I got married, thank you
You took me on all yours and nanas trips, thank you
You were there to count my daughters fingers and toes. thank you


There are so many more things I want to say, but I think that I will save them for when we see each other again. I know that the pain I feel will probably never go away, but I guess thats okay
because after all without the pain the memories might fade and I never want to forget the man who is my hero.
God bless

I love you all and I promise the next blog will be a happy one.
I just needed to get this out.

Blessed in 2009

Happy New Year!!!!
I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday. I haven't gotten to blog since before the Holiday hustle and bustle, but we had the most beautiful Christmas spent with our incredible family. Christmas Eve was at my parents and it was a blast as usual, and then we spent Christmas Eve with Matt's awesome family. I always have a blast there, and they always make me laugh. The girls had the best Christmas and got way to much. It was just a beautiful time. It was also Isabelle's birthday. My baby turned five. It seems like such a short time ago that Dr. Lodge placed her in my arms. I am so proud of the little person she has become, but I am scared at how fast time has gone. I wish she could just stay like this forever. My life was forever changed by her, and I am so grateful that God trusted me with her. This year has already started out with blessings. On New Years Eve Matt was told that he would have an interview with a fire department and the excitement in his voice when he told me brought me to tears. I am so proud of him for the hard work he does and the life he gives me. To see him so close to achieving his dream just draws me to my knees to say t"Thank You God." I can' wait to see what is to come in 2009. I hope everyone is blessed.